I learned how to fight
I’ve been on a staycation for the last four days. The time has been spent sewing and watching Felicity. I remember watching it when I was just out of high school and a bit as I started college. For some reason, however, I don’t remember ANY of the episodes. Anywho, I digress.
I’ve watched the characters for the last four seasons get angry, cheat, lie, and mistreat one another like characters on Dynasty (please note, I’ve never actually seen that show). The writers keep using this plot dynamic where, when they’re upset, people take time away from one another — like days away from one another. That’s such a weird idea. My relationships have always been under circumstances where that wasn’t possible. If we got into a fight, we’d either see each other at work, or couldn’t get away from one another because we were living in a truck.
As a human when I feel threatened, or afraid I advance. I discovered that in boxing — some people retreat, others fight hard. I’m of the “go hard or go home” mentality. When someone is angry with me, I will go hard to protect myself. Even if it’s not necessary.
Most recently, I was hurt in a weird way by a dear friend. It took something like 5+ weeks and a stern prompt from a mutual friend for this friend to follow up with me. If I were younger (I’m talkin maybe a year or two), I would’ve sent a snarky email full of anger at their ambivalence, and just made the situation worse. This time, I just let it happen. Our paths don’t cross unless it’s purposeful. I took time away from him, and just let it be.
Long story short, he got back to me, acknowledged my hurt, and I felt better. I learned something:
I need to let time go by.
I also need to make sure I date people in situations where I can make that happen. No more work boyfriends, no more living in trucks. I need my space. It’s healthy for me to take things at a slow pace. This way I can build up our relationship, and take the space when I need it.