This isn’t vague, is it?

An old friend and I are in contact again.  I linked to a blog entry from two years ago when we went out to eat because I think it’s apropos.  I can’t seem to get over this age old crush.  I wish I could because everything about it screams: Wrong, Wrong WRONG.  He’s younger, shorter, thinner, and Whiter (I couldn’t help it). The message from society tells me this: I’m supposed to date someone taller, stronger, older, and darker (again, I couldn’t help it) .  Somehow he keeps popping up.  Granted, this time we’ve actually done a fairly decent job of keeping in contact.  But the most recent discourse was prompted by me sending a random email telling him I was thinking about him.  He followed with a similar sentiment and then went on to remind me of how we’d promised to learn Swahili together…etc etc et al infinite…

I remember being comfortable with him.  He was one of the first men to be lent access to the ridiculous parts of me.  We’d stay up for hours talking about whatever in places where it’s too easy to paint with a romantic lens.  I remember him with a great fondness because of safety. What I don’t want to happen is my feelings of safety and fondness to be mistaken for a mutual affection.

We’re friends.  He might come up to see me this summer or we might go back to Africa together for a visit. But we’re just friends. Right? Right. Right…

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