To be known is to be loved

I cannot be afraid. He is not my enemy.  That’s the hardest thing for me to wundertand.  We are not enemies.

There is something about being in love and loving someone that makes me feel like I have to protect myself from them and even from myself. I don’t know what that is.

I feel like if I allow him to get too close.  If I’m too vulnerable then he’ll start keeping score.  I don’t want this to be a game of win or lose.  I don’t want this to be a game at all.  I don’t want to open up to someone to the degree that I am unable to keep something for myself.  Is it possible for someone to know you better than you know yourself?

With him, in this, I am different.  I feel different.  I don’t yell. We don’t yell.  I choose my words because he has painted himself with his insides and I can see the mark of my words before they strike.

I am afraid of being known because of the possibilities thereafter.

To be known is to be loved.  How then can so many know another and then make the choice to separate their lives?  Why would someone know and eventually love someone and then decide that they are not good enough,  that there is someone else more interesting?  If there is honest love at what point does the desire to extinguish that relationship take hold and eventually reign?

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