Le Freak

I’ll admit.  I’m freaking out a bit. Maybe a lot, but I think just a little.  We haven’t been dating that long and we’re about to go on a road trip and live out of a truck for like 2 and a half months.  Holy cow. That’s a lot.  That’s a lot of time.  I don’t think we’re going to hate each other. I do think we’ll end up getting on each others nerves.  That should be interesting.

I’m also freaking out because he’s going to meet my family, my friends, he’s going to be introduced to some of my former students.  The people that mean the world to me.  He’s going to be all up in my circle of friends.  Why does that make me all giggly and nervous and just plain ol’ ridiculous??

It also, in a weird way, makes me feel insecure.  I don’t know why.

The last time I introduced my significant other to my friends they had this impression of him that I didn’t see, and they didn’t tell me. The saw him for who he was.  I think I’m afraid that I’ve been looking at him and this relationship through cataract glasses and when people meet him they’re going to not tell me, again.  I don’t want to end up like I did last time. I was broken and empty with porcupine quills around my heart.  Every time I took  a breath they would pierce the tissue and inflict a new pain.    I don’t want to be injured.  It comes back to that.  It always comes back to that.   Typing those words allows me to exhale a bit.  I’ve been holding my breath waiting for him to hurt me.  That’s a horrible way to live.

I’m going to try my best to stop living that way.