So he (yes you) and I had a conversation the other day that went sorta like this:

Him: So I found someone’s blog today.

Me: *gasp* Laughter, and short gurgling sounds showcasing my inability to speak

Him: *laughter*

Me:  *laughter* So, what did you think?

Him: I liked it. I showed it to a friend of mine —

Me: You what?

Him: I showed it to a friend of mine and her response was, “She gets you.”

Me: Aww

And we proceeded from there.  He told me that I was a very good writer, and that it was interesting to see himself through someone else’s eyes, and many other things that just cemented my trust in him and his opinion of me.

When I told my friends that he’d discovered my blog they all laughed just as much, if not more, than me.  It was pretty funny.  One in particular brought up the point, “…isn’t that going to affect how you write now?”  My response? “Most definitely.”  I’m going to try and continue to write for me and not for him.  We’ll see if that happens.  He offered to not read it, or read it months after I’d written it if that made it easier.  I don’t think that’s necessary, but we’ll see.  Maybe it’s just time to change how I approach this little vessel for mental regurgitation.

That being said, I read an old entry today. It brought me back to a time in my life when I thought that what I had with “what’s his face” was good.  I was able to understand that the relationship was unhealthy, but in the same breath I was, to a certain degree, willing to invest more of my time into performing CPR on a long dead cadaver.  I now know that it’s supposed to be easy.  I don’t have to apologize for being myself. When I do he calls me on it in a direct and caring way.  I leave our conversations feeling like I can conquer the world.  I feel empowered, and intelligent, and capable.  Yet, not competitive.  We have similar, but completely different expectations/desires from life.  He encourages me to be me while still challenging my point of view.  He affirms me when necessary, lets me vent when and even if I don’t ask, and can make me laugh when I’m so furious my ears become molten lava.  I like him. He’s mine.

As I’ve said before I don’t know how long this will last.  I do know that I’m a much better person because it happened at all.