When we see each other we smile and your arms wrap around my waist and my arms tickle your ears as they complete the embrace. I look forward to seeing you. Each of you. Every time. I enjoy how you speak your piece and still leave room for mine. I laugh at your unique sense of humor. My eyes smile each time you hold my gaze. Your blue eyes are comforting, his brown are welcoming, another’s green are peaceful. Each of you hold onto a different part of me. I feel happy when you’re around because I have room to be myself.
You humor me by waiting patiently for me to find my keys even though I just had them in my hands. You drive around the block in a beat up old van telling me jokes and sharing parts of yourself within each punch line. You ask me how I am and care about my response. We exchange numbers not for a late night meeting, but because we actually want to enjoy our own company while the sun plays in the air. I’m early. You’re late. It troubles neither of us and we do something to occupy the time between. You tell me that you don’t mind doing chores when I try to stop you from taking out the trash dutifully as you do every week.
I can be myself — all of myself– when you’re around. You laugh, leaving annoyed feelings for another less understanding person when I say stupid things beneath my breath and you catch me in the moment when I hoped no one would. We make eye contact and we smile separating ourselves from every other person in the room. You soothe my fears with calm words as I experience things for the first time. My fears are soothed because I trust you, even though you’ve done nothing to gain that trust except be yourself.
I don’t know if it’s this new place, or if it’s you, but something is different with me. I think all of you together could make me happy forever, but each of you alone makes that just fine for now. I think back to the men in my past. Those that made it to one date, and I’m glad, or those who sailed through several before their expiration leaving me wishing they were around for more. When I combine how I feel about you I realize the extent to which I’ve grown.
As others showcase their captured moments in white gowns, and black tuxedos I’m learning how to hold still. That’s important because without that I’m no good to you. I’m used to running and beginning again when something disrupts my growth. But now, I don’t run I use those disruptions to catalyze that growth.
I wouldn’t change where I am or how I got to be here. I’m okay. I will always be okay. Knowing that, encourages me to take just another step closer to you, and another step closer to me.