even if i never see you again i’m glad tonight happened.

I felt comfortable with you.  Honest laughter squirted from my lips and surprised me more than you.  Perhaps feeding your ego  whilst releasing me from bondage of one previous.  You asked questions about my life and family and shared, briefly information of your own.  You hesitated to divulge details but I sensed a desire.  

We sat on my couch watching a movie I’ve seen several times  and I love how when our bodies connected you didn’t move.  I wanted to feel your hand on my back. I wanted to know for sure. I wanted a purposeful position of an appendage but settled for what you offered; refusal to remove whichever body part touched mine.  When my head lingered near your shoulder you allowed a relative stranger to invade your space as I did.  

You paid indirect and direct compliments. So polite. So kind. So genuine.  I thought of only you and no one else. That is an accomplishment in and of itself.  I enjoyed your company. You existed without me pulling you from inside yourself. You allowed me to exist as meek as I wanted and as interesting as I could be.  I was myself with you tonight.  A self that has been hurt and scarred and is wary of those she meets.  It felt good to exist with the accomplishments from my own resume and not try and compete with yours. You allowed me to exist. You allowed my effortless self to stand or sit or kneel or lay next to you during the brief time.  

This was a success because I’m starting to see and understand that a relationship doesn’t have to be built on sex or lust. It’s possible for it to be built of friendship and chivalry.  You were nice to me and I want(ed) to be nice to you.  I enjoyed myself and I’m hoping that you did too.  If not, I’m okay with that…. because I’ve healed enough to know that what I’m feeling is okay on it’s own.