Obsessed: I don’t know Mariah, you tell me.

Really?  You think this is productive?  I wish he wouldn’t have asked for my last name. I wish he wouldn’t have given me his.  That just leads to unnecessary Google temptation.

I’m home sick from work today. Awesome. NOT. I’m bored as hell. So I’m sitting here with my laptop and phone.  That’s a dangerous combination.  For awhile it was on silent because “…what if he called but didn’t leave a message?  How would I know?”  I’m a moron. I’m obsessed.  Queue insane rationalization in 5…4…3…2..1…

I don’t “click” with a lot of men.  I get along with almost everyone I meet, but when it comes to an emotional and sexual connection it doesn’t happen often. When it does, look out.   I wish I wasn’t this way. Growing up I was never that girl that guys swooned over.  I’ve always been able to attract older men but that’s more creepy than it is flattering.  I’ve never had men come up to me and praise me for my good looks and feminine figure.  So, when I meet someone who appears to be as into me as I am into them I get excited. I can’t help it.  It’s like asking the villagers from  The Gods Must be Crazy not to treat the Coke bottle like the latest Tickle me Elmo during Christmas.

So there, I said it. Or rather hinted at it.  Men don’t usually find me attractive, and when they do I’m in rare form.  I’ve tried not to sit by the phone, but it’s hard.  I think I could really like this guy.  Also, I’ve been enduring a dry spell for oh say about a year or so….  😦  I wish guys had a bullshit-o-meter.  “I’m just asking you for your number so I can feel good about myself,” but he didn’t feel like that. He felt like he asked to exchange numbers as a result of genuine interest and desire to get to know me.  Perhaps I should take solace in that final thought.  He was attracted to me enough to flirt and get my number.  I should just accept it for the compliment it is and move on. Oy, easier typed than believed.

Update: 11/2/2009

I was too impatient to wait for him to call me so I called him on Saturday.  He didn’t pick up (Thank God).  He called me back later that day. He was at a gig and called me during the break.  We’re going to get together Thursday (and Wednesday too).  I can’t say that I’m excited because it’s not like roller coaster ride excited. My stomach isn’t turning in knots, my hands aren’t sweaty.  That part is over.

I think I get nervous during the “first” stage because that’s when you judge people on the physical aspect and that’s not something with which I’m comfortable.  However, in this stage the “I wonder if our personalities click” part I’m a bit more confident.  I like my personality and if he doesn’t well, there’s not thing I can do about it.  If only I had the confidence to adopt that mentality with every other part of my life.

Advertisements